Joe was married to Beverly for almost ten years. They had met in a work environment and something magical became evident. They dated for over a year when they decided to get married and commit their lives to each other. Like most marriages things were good for several years and then something started happening and the separation began to widen. Then after the struggles grew beyond what they could handle there was a mutually agreement to end the marriage.
It has been almost eight months since the divorce was finalized and Joe hasn’t begun the dating process as of yet. So many questions he has but wonders if there will ever be answers. Should he start dating again or does he need more time to figure things out? Should he go ahead and test the waters or should he continue to heal and work on him? How does Joe find his bearings and know what is right for him? Maybe Joe need help from online dating sites?
Where Joe finds himself is not so different from so many other singles who are single again after years in a committed relationship. The truth is that Joe is being extremely wise in questioning his readiness for another relationship. Some say just because you go on a date doesn’t mean you are trying to settle down, but a word of warning would tell you long term relationships begin with a single date. The time to debate your readiness is not during the date but before you entertain the idea of pursuing that girl or guy who caught your eye.
There are several questions you should explore and answer before you get back into the dating scene after years of being committed or married. Can you recognize mistakes you made in the last relationship? Have you worked on these mistakes in order to try and prevent them from happening again? Did you notice areas where you had unrealistic expectations? Perhaps you waited on them to love you first or do this or that before you will them what they want and need? What will you do differently this time around so that you can be a healthier, stronger person and a better partner?
If, like Joe, you want a new relationship that doesn’t end up with your facing the same situation as your previous relationship(s) then it’s time to do some soul searching and self -checking. Don’t just guess or make up the answers as you go, put them down on paper so you have to think about them. Have these in front of you so that you can see the patterns and steps that you had taken in the past and where you need to make adjustments so that you can have a better future.
Now the real question is are you comfortable being alone the rest of your life? If so, then you are probably ready to date if the right opportunity comes around. It is important that you find peace and all that you want and need within you. For you and for your next partner. Preparing to date again after a failed marriage or a previous relationship means working on you. Working on you means focusing on what you need and want to do without feeling the need to have another in your life while you are doing this. Learning to love you first will help you to truly love another.