Though you may be wondering how to get your ex back, the solution to your problem is likely not that simple. In fact, the old relationship may be so damaged that there is no choice but to start fresh again. It is a tough time, even if the breakup was mutual (which often times its not). Sadly, you may have to face the cold reality that it just wasn’t meant to be.

The biggest reason it is so hard is that a relationship creates a certain amount of codependency – some of that is really good, but some of it can be bad as well, especially in long term relationships. What often happens is that you can become too dependent on your partner and lose a little bit of yourself along the way.

So the first step that you should take when dealing with a breakup is getting back in touch with yourself. Give yourself some time to think about what happened, what went wrong, how you could have handled things better. You’ve got to let go of the hurt and really examine the root causes of the breakup. Even if your partner cheated on you, you bear some responsibility in that and you have to honestly examine your behaviors and attitudes. Here’s the thing: You can’t now, nor will you ever be able to, control your partner’s behavior. You

CHANGES from LORCAN FINNEGAN on Vimeo.